More Mom Breadwinners Challenge Our Notions of the Traditional Family

It’s not easy to diffuse the impact of long-held stereotypes, especially when biology is involved.

It looks like my situation  — I’m a working mom and my husband is a diapering dad — is becoming more common. And according to the Pew Center’s recent numbers, the radical change in society in the past 50 years looks like this — women are now the sole or primary breadwinners in four out of ten households up from 11% in 1960. The study also found that family income is actually higher when the mother is the breadwinner.

A change like this one does not come easily — it alters people’s fundamental notions of family structure, and may not be a perfect fit with the human biological reality. I’d argue a mom can make the money and have thriving kids and a thriving marriage — uterus, breasts, estrogen and all — as long as we don’t pretend those biological differences don’t exist.

The Pew report came out a few days after the release of hedge fund billionaire Paul Tudor Jones‘ statements to a group of business school students about the unsuitability of mothers as global macro traders, an intense profession. He said, “As soon as that baby’s lips touched that girl’s bosom, forget it” and motioned to his chest, arguing that becoming a mother made women lose focus. His remarks were immediately criticized, especially by those of us who think we were focused pretty well after having babies. Continue reading More Mom Breadwinners Challenge Our Notions of the Traditional Family

Six Tips for Pumping Breastmilk at Work

You have breastfed your baby (or twins) since birth, and now you have to go back to work.  It takes dedication to continue nursing when you are away from your little ones –  obviously, a mother’s breasts were designed to feed her babies directly from the source and.   But, thanks to technology, increased awareness and breastfeeding-friendly laws, there are some ways to make it a little easier (not easy!).  The following are are some tips from those who have been there. Continue reading Six Tips for Pumping Breastmilk at Work

Tales from a Breadwinner With Breasts: The Incomplete Role Reversal

(A different post on this same topic and drawing these ideas was published on the site Professionelle in April 2013, called “The Unsteady Rise of the Power Mom and the Diapering Dad“)

I have been the sole (or virtually sole) breadwinner for the past eight years of my 11-year marriage.  I can happily report that for those eight years, during which we had three children, the arrangement has worked out well enough for both of us that we plan to continue it.  Based on Hanna Rosin’s research in her book “The End of Men,” our situation appears to be fairly unique –  my husband does the lion’s share of the childcare and all (yes, all) of the housework and cooking. We have never had a nanny or a housekeeper, at his insistence.

That said, as Ms. Rosin said she found, switching traditional gender roles was not as seamless on my end as I thought it would be.  This has left me to think that biology has had more of an influence on the childcare part of our labor division than I had anticipated. Continue reading Tales from a Breadwinner With Breasts: The Incomplete Role Reversal

Choosing to Latch On

The backlash against New York City ‘s Latch On initiative has been swift and strong, coming from all stripes of female commentators, from FoxNews to the Daily News to Feministe. Mayor Bloomberg is depriving mothers of “choice;” dictating what they should do with their breasts and of course, making them feel guilty for choosing formula.

This policy is not doing any of those things. Continue reading Choosing to Latch On